“I didn’t ask for this.” That’s a quote from a friend, sharing about a recent circumstance of her own and that quote resonated with me on another level because I too was in the middle of a juncture in life I didn’t ask for. When I married my husband at 21 years old; almost 12 years ago, I only pictured serving the Lord with him, having babies and living. Just living. I was mentally, physically and spiritually unprepared for what life would throw at us. It’s a good thing I’m not the designated the head of the household because I would have fumbled this opportunity from the Lord with my attitude. My husband on the other hand is the strongest leader in every way. He led and continues to lead our family through this admirably and with dignity. Giving glory to God and honestly representing Him in the most beautiful way possible. I just wanted to clear that up before I really dug into my thoughts. He’s not the problem, I am ha!

On the outside I may look like I enjoy what what I’m doing as a caregiver. That’s because most people only see me give him a drink and wipe his face. I might look like I’m this top notch caregiver but I really want to be honest and transparent, I don’t like caregiving. It’s not something I enjoy. I’ve also never hated flossing more than I do when I have to floss his teeth, because it’s not my mouth and I have no idea where the food is just simply put. I think it’s because it requires you to be selfless and I’m a little selfish in some ways, which makes me sound horrible but we’re just keeping it real. I didn’t realize HOW selfish I was until I was required to give things up and instead of doing it voluntarily, I gripped to it so tightly. I was like, hoarding my independence. I refused to let go and be content, I think in being that way I missed huge moments of growth. As I was slowly pushed into the caregiver role I just continued saying “God I didn’t ask for this” and “God when is this going to end.” My favorite “God don’t you work all things together for good?”

I read something today about this verse that I guess I’ve always taken out of context.

“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28

I have always assumed that meant that God is going to take whatever terrible circumstance we’re in and work it together to BE good. But that’s a misinterpretation, when He works terrible things together, when He takes your suffering and makes it good that doesn’t mean He’s necessarily making our lives easier or more bearable but it really means He’s refining us to make us more like Jesus. Your current situation may not change but your struggles won’t be wasted. When He works things together for good that doesn’t mean the diagnosis is erased but it means all that suffering now has purpose. The hope of God working things together for good isn’t for a perfect result but it’s to be transformed into the image of His perfect Son. As a Christian…this is what we asked for.

(referenced from a instagram post by @amandahayhurstwrites)

We asked to be made more like Christ and if we want to be like Christ that might require us to suffer as Christ suffered. Don’t be like me, don’t squander the time of suffering and delay your refining. Further leading to a delay in what God wants you to do for the gospel. The cross we bear daily is heavy but it is the least we can do when Christ carried it all on the cross to be our great reconciliation with God. There is purpose in your suffering and when we walk upright in tribulation (much like my husband does every day) God is glorified.

I’m with you, “we didn’t ask for this.” But God purposed it, allowed it, maybe He even willed it…what are we as believers going to with it?

“Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us” Romans 5:3-5